Ask for it if you need it. But know that the people around you, can only do so much. Someday, somehow, you have to be on your own and choose to help yourself.
How oftentimes do we realize that the solution to our predicament is obvious but we don’t take action? I can think of a couple of reasons why.
We like hanging on to old ways and beliefs, even beliefs about ourselves, and come up with excuses. Think about what staying in your comfort zone has cost you.
I believe it’s always a question of how desperate you are to get something. It’s like gasping for air when you’re suffocating. If you want it bad enough, you know you have to do something and do it.
Letting go is obviously one of the hardest things that we can do, but at times, stepping into that new kind of freedom is very much worth it.sundaewrites
The year came like anything normal and in so many ways I have underestimated it. Certainly, you’ll never really know where life would take you.
During the first few months, inspiration struck. It triggered me to make small decisions and subtle changes affecting very important aspects of my life.
Letting Go of Stuff
It started with a few clothes, some old, some new, that I’ve never really worn for months. Like most, I’ve held on to those pieces of clothing because I’ve paid for them and I already own them.
I realized later on that possessing or not possessing them didn’t really affect the quality of my life. Nor has it affected the level of my happiness in the long term. Maybe that’s why you and I call this and similar things as stuff because literally, they’re just that. Most things we can live without and some we can only need enough of.
On the other hand though, our stuff can be a piece of gold to someone who really needs them. With that, I gave away clothes to friends, neighbors, relatives and some more things to charity.
I was able to sell some of the stuff too and more will be sold in the comings months. I remember meeting this buyer and our conversation went like this.
Buyer: So how long have you had this?
Me: 6 months
Buyer: how many times did you use it?
Buyer: It’s in superb condition and you’re selling it for half the price. Why did you buy it in the first place?
Me: Well, I thought I needed it and would do me good. Later on, I realized, it’s bulky and cumbersome. I can actually get rid of it and make do of what I already have.
Buyer: Well, this is a gem for me. Sorry, you had to sell it.
Me: Oh no, I’m glad I did! (“and I met you”! – bonus point that I felt he didn’t need to know – insert “grin”).
Letting Go of biases
I think you would agree that we all have our biases when it comes to culture, people of a different race or sometimes people from our own race. I for one am guilty about this. In the past, my generalizations about people have hindered the possibility of me knowing them at a deeper level and understand how they see things.
I’ve come to realize that it was a mistake and a loss on my part. I mean, some of them could have been my close friends. They could have contributed to my growth. Most could have been helpful mentors, teachers, coaches or perhaps role models. I remember a colleague of mine said to me one time. “It’s not you. We’re just not used to saying please and thank you as often as you do. We don’t even say please or thank you to people from our own country”. Another shared, “We look like we’re fighting because we seem to be shouting at each other, but we’re not. This is just a normal conversation”.
When I decided to finally open myself to other cultures and other communities, I felt like my heart expanded and my understanding broadened. I began to see these people the way I see myself and my friends- just human beings with imperfections like we all have, and trying their very best in life as we all do.
Letting Go of Who I thought I was
We are who we are. This belief also limited my success as a person.
I always thought that I’m an introvert and therefore, don’t have the ability to connect with people and actually be energized in the process. I always thought, I could never write, just because I barely passed my first essay in college. My English teacher would always ask me to explain what I’m trying to say. That time I have a knack for tying two words together, not because they mean anything but because they just sounded good. Well, it’s hard when English is not your first language. These are just two of several beliefs which crafted my idea of Me. This same idea pushed me to stay in my comfort zone because venturing out, I assumed, would lead me to failure.
After years, a breakthrough came. I decided I will no longer fear failure. So I started a journey of self-discovery and that meant trying new things and doing things that actually scared me or made me nervous and uneasy. I tell you, when I look at myself now, I like what I’m seeing. Frankly, I still make mistakes but I’m growing and continuously learning.
The good thing about letting go of who I thought I was is that every day I am embracing the opportunity to reinvent myself and expand my horizons. It opens a whole new door of possibilities of what I can still be, and the results usually astound me. What you can or cannot do, is indeed entirely up to you. Henry Ford puts it this way “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”.
My friend, is there something in your life that you need to let go and why, or, why not?
So today, I decided to clean up. Owning a few things since going solo, I wanted to retain even less. That means, just enough of everything.
A friend of mine traveled to Sweden months ago and fell in love with the term “lagom” which means “just the right amount”. She was saying the Swedish don’t brag about the things they own nor overindulge in something like food, cars or houses. They like to live as regular, ordinary people, and give preference to giving back, contributing, and helping. They don’t care about status or how much they earn. All of that and yet Sweden is one of the richest countries in the world.
Thinking about it makes me fall in love with Sweden too! “What I wouldn’t give to be there”- Me, daydreaming. But Sweden or not Sweden, we can actually embrace “lagom” as a lifestyle, isn’t it? In some parts of the world, they call it, minimalism, simplicity, or essentialism (there might be other terms that you know, drop a comment here).
I grew up in a culture pretty much influenced by the Spaniards. With our concept of “fiestas” and “piazza” (in my hometown, we call it plaza), our culture has taken it further to mean:
– huge houses,
– large “haciendas”,
– more food on the table (than what’s necessary),
– (boisterous) laughter,
– plenty of stories, and
– overflowing drinks.
While fiestas and plazas are essentially part of the Spanish culture, I believe these concepts stemmed from their inherent quality of being warm, affectionate and family-oriented. Our culture, however, took it to a different level- more like Spanish-with-a-twist.
I’m not against people who own huge properties or love to have fun with beers, food and loud music. I’m just a bit disheartened to see:
– folks with large but empty houses
– yuppies with an expensive lifestyle, and mounting debts
– people who hoard
– people having too much of something (too much alcohol, food, shoes, Netflix, etc)
– people who overwork (yes, included)
– people who overcommit (yes, this too)
– people who are having too much rest (you’ve got to get on your feet too, you know, like literally).
Overindulgence is a bad thing. You’ve got to save something for tomorrow or share some to someone in need. We’re not here just for ourselves. I hope we realize that and become more mindful of the rest of the world and its needs.
Wherever we are or what our status be in society, each of us has the capacity to give. It may not always be in the form of material things. It could be our time, our skills, wisdom, strength, or we could just lend a hand, or lend an ear.
If there’s one thing that this weekend clean up reminded me, it’s this:
I can live with just enough, and that’s not depriving myself of anything good in the world. That actually means, giving myself space, room to breathe, more room for what’s important, and to me, that translates to not only freedom but power! It’s kind of saying, “I can have that, but I won’t”.– sundaewrites
Now imagine repeating that when you’re faced with a decision:
“I can buy that luxury car, but I won’t”.
“I can book myself in a 5-star hotel, but I won’t”.
“I can consume the entire chocolate ice cream cake, but I won’t”.
“I can party all night, but I won’t”.
“I can work till daybreak, but I won’t”.
Does it make sense? Well, I’ll leave you with this word to think about.
My friends and I are having a conversation one day about job satisfaction and fulfillment, and the years we’ve spent in the corporate world. Most of us have reached some degree of contentment in how our career paths turned out and some are still halfway towards reaching the top. By top I mean, the pinnacle… Continue reading How Do You Define Success?
A mentor once said, “Focus on this. One life, one person at a time. If you can create an impact, a change like that, that’s all that matters”. #sundaewrites
If you have felt these lately, you are not alone. A million of us share the same road.
In my small circle of friends, at least half of us feel like life is a drag- a heavy load you need to carry with you wherever you want to go. Each step lands your foot in a mud. You’ve got to pull your leg a little harder every time so you get to move. If at all, you get to move.
Why do we have days like these? Why can’t we always feel happy and stay like that all year long?
While we all know that happiness is a decision you make for yourself, it’s easier said than done, or perhaps we don’t really know what that means or what it really takes.
All the successful people you’ve known were once upon a time nobodies. They started small. They struggled but kept on because they were driven by something that’s far greater than themselves. Something noble and beautiful. Something they desire to create not only for themselves but for the world, even if that world only meant a handful of people that they deeply care about. So in time, they’ve overcome the hurdles and eventually became great- famous, wealthy, powerful.
Then it happens. Success made these same people get so engrossed on fame, wealth, and power. The drive is now to maintain the status quo or exceed the same. So, they get to work to produce more success- toil day in and day out that it becomes an obligation they believe they owe to themselves.
Is that bad? Not necessarily. But weak motivations won’t hold you up forever. You see, the moment our focus change, we forget about why we do what we do in the first place. Our great WHY vanishes into thin air.
Take for example this writing. I don’t know how many people will get to read this and how many of those who read it actually cares. Despite the nagging desire to know, I choose to resist it. One of my mentors actually said, even the greatest writers still have that fear of rejection- you just have to deal with it. Then she spilled out this nugget of wisdom that up to now continues to motivate me. “Focus on this. One life, one person at a time. If you can create an impact, a change like that, that’s all that matters”. So whenever I scribble something on a notepad or strike letters on my keyboard, I think about that one person that might find these words useful. Then the writing stops being an obligation. It now becomes an opportunity. No longer a drag rather, a source of delight.
Whenever you feel battered in life, one of the ways that can heal you is through your ability to receive love. Most “strong” people forget about that. Does it come from ego or pride? Maybe.
Regardless, you need to break that wall and let love seep through. You’ll always be a child. Even strong muscles or gray hairs cannot change that. You need love. Don’t be too proud to receive it.
Boredom. Burden. These are real, but you deserve better.
Embrace your great WHY and open up your heart for Love.
Have you taken a step back at one point in life to just reevaluate things? To remind yourself again why you do what you do? What did this “pause” reveal about yourself and the life you pursue? I care about your thoughts. Share them here.
What keeps you going every single day? You know, that thing that fires you up, tickles your toes, and pokes your heels to leap, or even run with a penguin-like pair of happy feet? That one good thing that gives you a merry heart?
Dreams. They give me wings. They make my heart flutter, and wildly take my imagination to a place, full of vivid colors and exciting possibilities. It scares me sometimes, the great unknown. But it pays to set your sights on to what could possibly be good, rather than what could go wrong.
If you wake up to mornings dragging yourself to the shower with arc-shaped lips and folded eyebrows like you’re about to drop onto the floor and cry – – friend, you’re in danger zone and you’ve got to pull yourself out of it!
“Why me?”, you asked. Well, of course. Because you are your own best friend. Let me break it to you. The people around you, they can only do so much. You have to accept that. If you don’t see yourself worthy of a meaningful existence, a higher calling, or up for a bigger purpose, then right there, you’ve already lost the battle. Why? Because the last person who could ever have that faith in you has just given up. And that’s you. You have lost your faith, in you.
People will find it hard to fight for someone who won’t even fight for themselves. Even if they do, they can only get very far. If you’re that someone, please don’t neglect your own self. You’re too precious for that. The sooner you’ll realize this truth the sooner you’ll get out of the hollow you’re in.
We often forget that the life we have is not some sort of entitlement. Rather, it’s a gift, an opportunity. No wonder we take it for granted many times. We complain a lot, we get frustrated and sad for too long that it shortens our breath and aches our bodies. Oftentimes, we get too focused on our own hurts and forget about the rest of the world who’s hurting too. We don’t look far and wide enough. Our “own world” is too small just like a hole that we dig into. So what happens? We let our brilliance slip from memory. We lose the spark. We become immobile, useless according to our own terms.
Friend, can you come back to the land of the living? We need you here. The years you’ve lived with all the battles you’ve fought hard and may have lost- is not everything. That is not all there is to it. You became more because of those struggles. And there is more to life, more good things yet to come. And you’ve got to focus on these. You and I already know that we have a limited time. So let’s fill what we have with memories we can be proud of, and leave a legacy that we have lived our lives to the full and lived it well- well enough to touch others.
When you add life to life, it just gets better. When you add life to where there’s a lack of it, then you’re standing on higher ground. With your scars and all, you can still help people. If you’re that someone who needs help, receive it. There may be times when you’d feel the need to ask for it, go ahead because that’s okay. But remember, while you ask others for help, help yourself too. Start with you.