Earlier today I listened to somebody talking about the idea of Uprooting.
It happens when you decide to pluck the bud off a seed you’ve planted, that it loses the chance to grow and blossom.
I was hit hard.
You see, I’m the kind of person who would have these brilliant, inspiring ideas, enroll people to embrace the same, start working on those, and then just not follow through.
Courses I’ve never finished.
Hobbies I’ve never picked up again.
Skills not really mastered.
Good rituals that have never lasted two months.
Relationships never cultivated.
I hope I am most people, but I could see a lot around me nailing it.
Why can’t I?
At this point in my life, I think I still haven’t decided who I want to be.
I’ve been drawn to that shiny object syndrome which I heard about a few months ago and never thought it could be real, at least to me. I was wrong to say I had it all figured out.
Looking back, I’ve been chasing a lot of things. Even now I can say I am all over the place and I have to do something about it.
This writing is hopefully a start. I want to go back to the way I used to write— unfiltered, insightful, vulnerable.
You’re probably asking why I stopped or why I changed.
Simple. I thought then I’d be better off if I was somebody else.
Somebody that people like. Somebody who could write something people will rave about.
Yet that failed me too.
No matter how I try to “buy” love, appreciation, admiration from other people, even if I get those, it would never be enough until I decide I am enough.
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PIT STOP
Right this moment I am writing for me. If the state I’m in resonates with you, then that makes two of us and perhaps this writing is for you too.
It will be good to know there’s somebody out there who walks on a road with you, no judgment, no expectations, just walk with you. Human being feeling another in the highest pure sense. Regardless of the distance, the gap, the space in between, hearts entwined even for a brief moment.
So yes my friend, you have the liberty to break out further up the road and follow your own path. No strings need to be attached here. After all, the road is never a straight line. There are curves, junction, crossings and before we know it, we’ll be bumping into each other again.
As for me, I still need to figure this one out.
Who do I want to be, and what things do I need to go back doing just because it made me real?
It’s not for any selfish reasons. I want to help people, touch the hearts of a few if not many. But I think all the cracks and flaws that we have, are the same things that make us human. The more we get real about that the more can people relate to us, and we’ll be more connected to each other on a deeper level.
So this is where I am right now. This is where I stand and I hope I’d be able to navigate this road well. Wish me luck!